“We live in a world of disposable memory. Nothings built to last, not even shame” – Since We Fell by Dennis Lehane
The older I get, the less tolerant and more reclusive I become.
So it seems.
People come with baggage. Garbage. Problems. Complications. Demands.
At this point in my life I need peace………….not conflict.
So I have been building a fort with walls to keep the world out. Reduce its influence.
And, I’ve done a fairly good job. My circle of friends has slowly closed to a chosen few.
My exposure to world events has been, as much as possible, eliminated.
Unfortunately, this exercise has created a void. A void of consideration. What the hell to think about. To ponder.
Soooooooooooooooo…………….I think more about me, my life, my personal problems.
What I’ve discovered is that I’m a mess. And………….a bit too self-absorbed.
So which is worse? The worlds and other people’s problems or my own?
Is there no escape?
“You soon become lonely if you want to use your brain to find answers” – An Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison
I think, my friend, that after a few decades of the toil and abuse that life inflicts upon us, it is somewhat natural for people of our age to gravitate towards a more reclusive, or perhaps a better word for it is “sheltered” lifestyle. As young men, because the experience is new to us, we don’t often recognize the repeating onslaught of insults and degradation’s that are thrust upon us from every side. People, with their endless forms of insecurities and mental deficiencies, inevitably become the bane of our existence. But by then, the damage is done. And then one day, we come to the shocking realization that we too, are nearly as fucked up as the rest of the world is. Accepting this hard truth is often the impetus that drives us to withdraw from the antagonists that plague us, but try as we may, we can never escape ourselves. Such is the reality of a life long lived.
In the end resolve, there aren’t many truly important things in a human life, self-preservation being among them. So build your “walls” high and wide my friend, may they be the barrier that separates the world from you, and you from the world.
If I could think as well as you and write with your fluid grace I would be a millionaire many times over. Thank you for your thoughts.
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