“Both my ex’s only closed their eyes during sex cause they hated to see me have a good time” – The Secrets of Harry Bright by Joseph Wambaugh
In the old “You won’t believe this department”, I had this conversation with a guy passing through the gate today.
John, can you believe this weather?
Hot. This is the third day in a row with record heat in Victoria.
I believe it. It’s hot just standing here talking to you. Haven’t seen you in a while. Where you been?
You won’t believe this.
So last week I was helping my ex out. I loaded up my $5,000 zero turn lawn mower on a trailer and went over to her place to mow her yard. Just to help her out. Because it was so hot. And I’m a nice guy.
Good for you.
Anyway, I’m out there in the noon day heat just mowing away.
Suddenly I’m attacked by a swarm of killer bees. I put the pedal to the metal and cranked that mower up to the max. 10 MPH. Still, could not get away from them.
Really. What did you do?
So I jumped off the mower and started running around the yard. All this time I’m getting stung and it hurt.
Finally, because I couldn’t get away from them, I ran into the house and got in the shower.
Did they follow you there?
A few did but most of them were outside, swarming and slamming into the door.
Finally they left and my ex took me to the ER. I got stung 87 times and the Doc said 30 minutes later and they’d of killed me.
I was in a coma for a day and they gave me some serious shots to counteract the stings. Gave me some good pain juice as well.
Man, this is unbelievable.
That’s not all. Several days later I went to pick up my truck and mower and the $5,000 mower was gone. Somebody stole it. My wonderful ex, who I was doing a favor, said it was not her responsibility to watch the damn thing.
Now I know why she’s your ex. I think you should sue her.
“Chance is a son of a bitch” – Julep Street by Craig Lancaster