“Old age makes people strange sometimes” – Epitaph by Mary Doria Russell
Just doing some thinking. About things. People. Friends. Family. Mostly of years gone by but some current pieces as well.
I wonder if others ever trek through the stages of their lives and try to figure it all out. Got to admit that when I engage in that activity, most of the time the answers just aren’t there.
A futile exercise. But still.
I really do wish that I could make some sense of the mess I made of my life. How and why did I make so many mistakes?
Maybe I was just born stupid. Or unlucky. Or cursed, if there is such a thing.
On the bright side, I’ve lived long enough to gain a valid perspective. And is it not true that perspective begets wisdom?
Something I can’t seem to decipher is why, in spite of the many right decisions I’ve made and the blessings I’ve enjoyed, the past won’t let go.
Forget the past. What’s done is done. You can’t change it so move on. That’s what they say. Only, they never tell you how to do that.
“Wounds, desperation, and sex make a potent, explosive cocktail.” – “The Hollow Girl” by Reed Farrel Coleman
Texas Heat 
Yeah. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Killers, all. I know what you mean. Intellectually, I can dismiss it as “can’t change it now.” But, emotionally, we can’t always shut it off that easily. If humankind could self-forgive that easily, there would be no need for alcohol and drugs. Or shrinks. Or escapist entertainment.
We are all guilty of this at some point and the old cliches about “half-empty or half-full,” or “don’t think about what you don’t have…” just don’t always get the job done. I doubt you would consider pot? It seems to work for half the population. Of course, they are brain dead and vote Democratic, but obviously they don’t think too much.
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You are on to something here Lynn. It’s like telling a smoker to quit. He knows you are right and he should but how is always evasive. How. That is the question. Our phone conversation yesterday really helped. Thanks friend.
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There are no “wrong” turns, only turns. I always try to enjoy the ride no matter what’s around the corner or in the last town. Everything we’ve done or not done has brought us to this place in our lives and if we can be grateful and accept the good turns then we must also accept the bad ones. They have all made us what we are.
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Doris – you are wise – so wise. And so at peace with your life. And I appreciate your kind thoughts as well as your friendship. Trust me. I am a mess.
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Bob,it is ok to look back at the past,just don’t stare at it.
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I’ve heard that expression before. Probably from you. I don’t live with these regrets all day, every day. Now and then I slip into a deep depression and obsess over any number of stupid decisions I’ve made that profoundly effected me and others. There are moments one never leaves behind.
I shouldn’t put these types of personal concerns on my blog. But thanks for your thoughts my friend.
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