“The conscience was little more than a set of ideas installed by others” – “House of the Rising Sun” by James Lee Burke
Left Sherman, TX and drove 400 miles to Yorktown, TX. Couldn’t believe how quickly we got through Dallas. Made great time as the speed limits on I-35 are 75 MPH and the 130 around Austin is 80 MPH.
Man, we flew. Averaged 66 miles MPH and arrived in Yorktown at 2pm.
So the trip was basically uneventful.
With one minor exception.
Before leaving Sherman, we made a quick stop at McDonalds for breakfast.
The drive thru conversation went something like this:
Good morning. May I take your order?
Hold on. OK. I’ll have an Egg McMuffin but with Sausage instead of Ham and a senior coffee.
Did you want Egg on the McMuffin?
Well yes, isn’t Egg a basic ingredient on the McMuffin?
Yes.
I want an Egg McMuffin with Sausage.
Did you want cheese?
Excuse me.
Do you want cheese?
YES! (God…….what an idiot)
Excuse me.
Yes. Cheese. (Gaby…….can you believe this?)
That’s one Sausage McMuffin and a senior coffee. That will be $4.25. Pay at the first window.
Just to be sure………that’s one senior coffee and an Egg McMuffin with Sausage.
Yes.
Question. A Sausage McMuffin is an Egg McMuffin with Sausage instead of Ham. Egg and Cheese are standard. Correct?
Yes. Just order a Sausage McMuffin next time. Unless you don’t want Egg or Cheese. And of course we also offer the McMuffin on a Biscuit. But of course it’s really not a McMuffin.
What is it?
A Sausage, Cheese, Egg sandwich on a Biscuit. Or……..SCEB
I mutter to Gaby as we pull up to the window…… (I must be losing my mind)
“I had forgotten the basic rule: Everybody lies” – “The Crossing” by Michael Connelly
Texas Heat 
OK. SOMEONE has to advocate for the poor McDonald’s employee. A Sausage McMuffin does NOT come with egg. You must order a “sausage and egg mcmuffin.” The employee was being nice to the customer. Here is how the conversation would have gone had I been the McDonald’s employee:
Good morning. May I take your order?
Hold on. OK. I’ll have an Egg McMuffin but with Sausage instead of Ham and a senior coffee.
Sir, we call that a Sausage Mcmuffin with egg, for future reference, but I get your drift.
Well yes, isn’t Egg a basic ingredient on the McMuffin?
On what we market as an “Egg McMuffin” it is. But, our marketing people decided, for whatever reason that we would market a “Sausage McMuffin” without an egg so we could sell it for a buck. Eggs aren’t cheap, bucko.
I want an Egg McMuffin with Sausage.
Clearing throat. To clarify, do you want cheese?
Excuse me.
Do you want cheese?
YES! (God…….what an idiot)
Sir, you don’t have to raise your voice. And, please understand that there ARE people out there who do NOT want cheese on the sandwich. Trust me, I have been burned on this before. And, they are not smart enough to say they want an Egg McMuffin with Sausage, but cut the cheese. (chuckling to self about the Texican language.)
Yes. Cheese. (Gaby…….can you believe this?)
I heard that. (muttering to self….a******) That’s one Sausage AND EGG McMuffin and a senior coffee. That will be $4.25. Pay at the first window.
Just to be sure………that’s one senior coffee and an Egg McMuffin with Sausage.
Yes. And, just to keep your blood pressure a little more level, in the future if you ordered from someone not as bright as I am, if you simply order an Sausage McMuffin with egg, they won’t run for the door crying because of the abusive customer.
Question. A Sausage McMuffin is an Egg McMuffin with Sausage instead of Ham. Egg and Cheese are standard. Correct?
Perhaps I can get you a picture of a sausage McMuffin which does not have egg on it? Don’t shoot the messenger, I am not in marketing. And, the short answer to your question is ‘no.’
What is it?
Sir, I am putting together a portfolio of our menu with pictures, so you can understand better. Also, I am including detailed instructions on the exact language you should use when you order. And, if any of your friends don’t like cheese, they simply have to state they want the cheese cut. Unless you order in a northern state, you would say “hold the cheese.” This will be in a large binder and, please don’t worry if you see anything floating in your Senior Coffee, because we have had some issues with our machine.
I mutter to Gaby as we pull up to the window…… (I must be losing my mind)
Here you are, sir. Did anyone ever tell you that you look like an older Bobby Darin??
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Funny but you should have improvised my role in the encounter.
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Visits to the drive-through window at virtually any fast food place can be really interesting and at the same time frustrating. They walk among us!
I was about to ask you if your citation of “The Crossing” shouldn’t have been attributed to Cormac McCarthy (I just read it), but then I went to Wikipedia and found out about Michael Connelly. I may have to pick up one of his books and see how I like it. My favorite in that genre is James Lee Burke but I’m always open to a new writer. Glad your trip back was safe, and you and Gaby have a Happy New Year!
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Michael Connelly is one of my favorite authors along with James Lee Burke. I also recommend Ace Atkins, Elmore Leonard, John Connally and Robert B. Parker, just to name a few.
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I once had a similar experience at McD involving a cheeseburger, “do you want cheese with that” she asked. Although I am no longer ever surprised, I never cease to be amazed.
Happy New Year to you and yours my friend!
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Believe me I know your pain. God help us if these people ever take over. Thanks for reading my stuff Doc.
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Always a pleasure my friend. 😉
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