“Remorse is the ultimate self-abuse.” – “A Purple Place for Dying” by John D. MacDonald

So the other day my wife jolts me out of my quiet reverie with the following  – “We need to change our diet and start eating better”.

Huh? Whoa. Hold on girl. What the hell are you talking about?

We eat too much Mexican food, sweets, red meat, and other assorted junk.

So? We’re living the good life. What’s wrong with this picture?

At our age we need to take better care of our bodies.

At this point I’m assuming, and hoping, this is just another one of her spontaneous and superfluous mood swings. What else could it be? I mean………come on. Best to just humor her.

At our age, maybe our bodies should be taking better care of us. Huh. What you think woman?

Sometimes I think I just don’t know you anymore. I’m serious. We should eat more vegetables, especially organic.

OOPS. OK. Let’s do this thing. Organic it is.

Several days later I drove to Kenedy for our mail. A quick stop at the lumber yard for guy stuff and a dash through HEB for some HEALTHY stuff and then back up 72 to the gate.

What’s this?

Health food. And……………we have the best of both worlds. Ya baby. Ready to eat healthy vegetables.

Please stop crying. I’m sorry. I thought Carrot Cake was a vegetable. It says carrot, does it not?

It’s all H.E.B.’s fault. False advertising. Damn those people. Gimme that. I’ll return it right now. Just wait till I get my hands on that manager.

What’s that? Yes……..it is good. OK. We can start that program next week.

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney