“We can love more than one thing simultaneously. We’re human, so we’re messy.” –“Darkness take my hand” – Dennis Lehane

Our cows are stupid or arrogant or both. Either way, it is incumbent upon me to deal with their lousy attitude.

Here’s the thing. Our drilling rig is operating on a private ranch. A big ranch. Many acres. And a roaming herd of ignorant, obnoxious, adolescent, argumentative, stubborn, arrogant bovines roams all over it like they own the place.

Every other day their wandering cycle deposits them at our doorstep. Like Roman centurions they take up positions around our Motor Home as if guarding the homeland. These future Big Macs trample our electrical cords, lick and scratch my car, knock over my satellite dish and they leave, with unmitigated gall, their disgusting residue.

On a lighter note, the big, bad, bull engages in some interesting acts of fornication and I do applaud his ability to assume a few difficult positions. It’s a guy thing.

Nevertheless, these creatures have become a nuisance and I cannot allow them to wreak havoc with our environment.

In the past, on other ranches, these four legged pests got the hell out of Dodge if I simply opened the door and yelled. Sometimes I had to actually walk towards them to get their attention. But that was it. My presence alone did the job.

Not this current bunch. Yesterday I attempted to run them off by running right at them. I quickly covered the 10 ft. between me and this particular brute when he raised his huge head and gave me a strange look.

That startled me and it was at that point I realized those weren’t teats hanging on the ground. Oops. That was the fornicating bull. Big mistake.

Can we have a time out here? Need to try something else.

Air horns have worked in other locations and I had Gaby pick up one yesterday. If that doesn’t work, the price of manure will go up.

Next option…………….a gun. Ya baby. I’m talking bona fide Daisy.

A well placed shot in the ass with a BB should get their attention.

“In politics stupidity is not a handicap.” – Napoleon Bonaparte