“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – Unknown

Calling my buddy.

Hey man….How ya doing?

Doing OK. Just got back from the hall.

Really. What were you doing there?

You sure are nosey.

What? I’m just trying to make conversation. Besides…..I’m interested in your lifestyle. How is that being nosey you worthless old fart.

We were playing shuffle board.

Wow……………..life in the fast lane.

Now….why do you have to talk like that?

Well you started it meat head. I always treat you with dignity and respect until your verbal attacks get really obnoxious.

Who is this? Who am I talking to?

How is your health?

I’ve got issues. Recently I’ve seen doctors for pains all over. I can hardly walk or talk. And my eyesight is getting worse.

You are a mess. It is a miracle you are still alive. Do us all a favor and donate that body to science. What about your mental  health. Been to a shrink lately?

No.

Well……Don’t see a shrink. If you do you’ll probably end up in straight jacket.

There is something wrong with you.

What’s wrong with your eyes?

I have macular degeneration.

How is it treated?

They give me shots in the eye.

Shots in your eye. You are kidding….right?

I’m serious. It’s an outpatient procedure. The nurse does something to my eye so I can’t close it or even blink. Then they stick the needle in my eye. I actually see the point of  the needle as it  is done.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.” – Strange headlines