“I’m putting the word “Don’t” on my To Do list.”  Jarod Kintz (This is the best book I’ve ever written and it still sucks)

Early evening on the gate.  Sun low on the horizon.  Mild temps.

“Evening Garret. You coming back or headed home?”

“Be right back. Going to Wal Mart. You need anything?”

“No, but thanks for asking. I’ll just get your plate and put you on the BE BACK LIST.”

“Wow. The BE BACK LIST. Is that good? The………… BE……………..BACK…………….LIST.”

“OK………….hockey puck breath. For your information, the BE BACK LIST is a very good list. Only a select few get on it.”

“Really.”

“Yeah……really. Not everybody is BE BACK LIST worthy. If I don’t like you, you go on the IN/OUT LIST.”

“The IN/OUT LIST. What’s that?”

“Actually, it could be the PAIN IN THE ASS LIST because guys who come and go all day long are just that. And that’s how you get on that list; you come and go all day long, forever and ever.”

“You got any other lists?”

“As a matter of fact, I have a few other job lists. There is the

CLEAVAGE LIST

GATE RUNNER LIST

I’M LOST LIST

FOOD LIST

A few of my shorter, personal lists include

THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

THINGS I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

A few of my favorite lists are

REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED

THINGS PMS STANDS FOR

REASONS FOR MISSING THE TOILET

FUNNY THINGS TO PUT ON CRAIG’S LIST

“So you see wise guy, lists are not to be taken lightly. You will be judged by your lists.”

“Huh???   I gotta go man.”

“Boredom flourishes too, when you feel safe. It’s a symptom of security.” Unknown